Saturday, July 30, 2011

A Moment of Silence…

…For Liam Neeson’s Career

You know, I was under the distinct impression that things could not get much worse for the movie industry than… well… than just about anything Michael Bay has made in the last decade. But now there are two far worse things and, oddly enough, they both beat my childhood with a splintered 2X4. First, there’s Smurfs. I refuse to comment on it. I refuse. My only comment on this travesty is this: Neil Patrick Harris… what the hell, man? What. The. Hell.


Multi-million dollar budget to make bad CG,
recycle old footage, beat your childhood,
and be a sexist tool? Yes, please!

The other nostalgia-wreck is coming to theaters in 2012.
Ladies and gentlemen… Battleship:

Oh yes. This is the real deal, pegs and all. I could believe this sort of thing coming from The Asylum, but a major studio? A major studio gave this the green light!? WHY!? I’m tempted to make a joke about other board games becoming movies, but I’m better than that.*

Instead I think we owe it to ourselves and to Liam Neeson to remember some of the good movies he did. He was amazing in Michael Collins, a movie about the formation of the IRA. He was a raging badass father in Taken. Sure he was in Phantom Menace, but it’s not like he had to suffer all of the Star Wars prequels, right? Gangs of New York, anyone? And what about Les Misérables… his performance as Valjean? He was the voice of Aslan, for cripes sakes! And yes, I even forgive the A-Team. At least that was a fun action flick.

But now? Now there’s Battleship. And because of that, I feel we owe it to Mr. Neeson to bow our heads and remember his career fondly.


You forgot Batman Begins. Now I’ll have to
break your spine.

Next time on The Fix is In:

It’s time to do my first installment of LNN: Episode Insanity. I’m still infuriated that this show even exists and even more baffled that Netflix thinks I will love it: Parking Wars. America, you drove me to this and now you’ll have to read my suffering. Or you could just not read it all.

Hey! Wait! Come back!

*I’m actually not above that joke at all.


Operation. Coming to theaters in 2014.
Don’t touch the sides…

1 comment:

  1. This is fantastic. I really hope that whoever created Battleship puts a version of the game out with Liam Neeson's face on it. I would buy that in a heartbeat.